The race that wasn't

"I'm not even supposed to be here today." I thought to myself as I plodded along on the treadmill.

It was Saturday morning, and I was in no mood. 3 months ago I had registered for a 5k that was taking place this morning. My friends had all wanted to do a "color run" and though I prefer to run through mud over colored powder I agreed, and was even excited to try out the newest trend to rock the running world. 

Then life happened. My husbands fledgling company took off and he moved to Minnesota for work as I stayed behind tying up loose ends and taking care of the kids until we could find a place with enough room for our family. Then came the fire which pushed the boys and I out of the house sooner than we had planned and left us on our own in a new city, with no childcare (T being away at AT with the National Guard) 170 miles from where I was supposed to be racing at that very moment.

Instead of laughing my way through rainbow colored powder clouds with my girlfriends I was sweating it out on a treadmill, mourning the loss of my $45 entry fee, sandwiched between 2 men who apparently haven't seen a single old spice commercial, much less sampled the products. 

I'm not going to lie, I came pretty close to "Breaking the Dam: Part Deux" but was able to hold off the waterworks. It was the final blow to a pretty crushing week, and I was struggling with my attitude. But in the end, though it wasn't nearly as much fun, I still got up and put in miles. There would be other races and I would be ready for them. 

I take comfort in the fact that there are other runners out there who would be equally as miffed as I am. So let us have a collective "that sucks" sigh followed by a moment of silence for the race that wasn't.

Then let's suck it up, and smile for all the races still to come. 

What is your intention?

This morning over breakfast I was paging through the Womens Health Big Book of Yoga by Kathryn Budig and came across a section bluntly entitled "What is your Intention?" My first thought was "Woah, I haven't even finished my coffee yet!" As I read on I learned it was a section to monitor my practice. I could fill it out before beginning, then check back in as time elapsed to see how my answers evolved. I went to turn the page thinking that I was beyond something as simple as answering a few questions, but I stopped and set the ego aside. I was starting from not much more than scratch when it comes to yoga practice. Did I want to learn? Yes. Was I open to learning? Yes. Was I willing to accept guidance from someone with more experience than me? Of course.

So with pen and paper in hand I dug in. As I am writing this I am keenly aware that I've promised to be real and transparent with you. I've spent some time thinking and decided that when it comes to this particular exercise I want so much to share it with you, I am keeping my own responses private, all except one. I wanted to answer each question honestly, without fear of judgement effecting what I wrote. I didn't want to worry about whether my thoughts were "right" or "wrong" my sole purpose was honesty with myself, what leads to the single question I am sharing with you. The question said "My goal for the next year is: " 

When I answered I wrote, almost before I became aware of it "to live a life of truth, both to my myself and my loved ones. To learn to honestly love myself for who I am and how I was created, not hate myself for what I am not".

I am only human, and though I may not like it, I do care what others think of me. Though I want to be courteous of others and how my decisions affect them, my goal is still to be true to myself and who I am, who I want to be part of my life, and how I want to spend my time. To me, this is living honestly, and that is my intention. 

I want to take this opportunity to grow and refine my character, and I am hoping you will be able to do the same. The following are the questions included in the exercise. Regardless of whether you are practicing yoga or not I think there is so much to learn about yourself by answering these thoughtfully and honestly as you can. Introspection can be terrifying as well as enlightening. I think it takes courage, and today is your day to be courageous! 

What's your Intention?

1. I am practicing yoga because:
2. I am happiest when I think about:
3. My goal for the next month is:
4. My goal for the next year is:
5. My top two challenge poses are:
6. My most humbling experience on the mat was:
7. My fears in life are:
8. I love:
9. What makes me smile instantly is:
10. My favorite part of my own body is:
11. My top five unique gifts are:
12. My favorite yoga pose is:
13. My least favorite yoga pose is:

I am looking forward to being able to see how I learn and grow as I add yoga to the mix of marathon training. Taking the first steps towards something unfamiliar is hard, and even at the ripe age of 28 I sometimes find myself thinking I'm too old to try something new. I'm making the choice to push those thoughts aside and move forward, knowing that there is no time limit on starting from scratch and if I give this a chance I'll be glad I did. 

Today I wish you not only happy training but happy writing as well. Take the time to really stop and think. Decide, for yourself. Not for your friends, your family, or your boss, for you. 

What is your intention? 

In with the good

I've taken a renewed interest in yoga lately. It's always been on my radar and I've dabbled, gone to a handful of vinyasa classes, bought a few DVDs but never really devoted myself to my practice. As I've just dipped my toe into marathon training I'm already noticing some issues in terms of back/knee pain and muscle soreness (to be expected) but my biggest concern is feeling so stiff when I run. Some of it could be due in part to the fact that I am currently knocking out my miles on the treadmill, but even prior to that I felt like there were days where my body had just forgotten how to move. No matter how thoroughly I warmed up and stretched my movement just didn't feel quite right. 

My hope is that committing to a regular yoga practice (3 times a week for me) I will be able to regain some of the flexibility and ease of movement that I know was once mine. I honestly believe it will make me a better runner! Since I was without a mat I went in search of one. I wanted something of good quality, with style, that could last for quite some time. I had remembered seeing a post on Fierce Forward some time back praising "Affirmats" for their quality and style. I checked out their website (find it here) and was very impressed! I ended up ordering from their summer collection.

I decided on the "I am free" mantra. It really spoke to me, and though I only just received my mat yesterday I enjoy just looking at it. Last night I laid it out to do some stretching and a few simple poses at the end of my day, it really did bring a smile to my face. 

As I am planning to work on my practice at home I had taken off for the library where I checked out their copy of The Women's Health Big Book of Yoga on recommendation from a close friend and blossoming yogi. The information and illustrations in the book are so helpful and even though I'm still missing blocks and a few other pieces of equipment there is plenty for me to work on in the meantime. 

I know my desire to dig deeper into yoga has come in part from all of the personal challenges I've faced recently. I feel like this is a great opportunity to harness my stress, anxiety, and self doubt and turn it into peace, serenity and self confidence. Honestly, who doesn't need more of that!? And on that note, I leave you with this mantra, because every time you find the humor in a tough situation, you win! 

Wishing you a hearty laugh and happy training! 

Legs, meet Summit Trainer

Hills. Oh hills. If you've read before you know that hills and I are not BFFs, due mostly to me being chronically undertrained for them. This is something I'm determined to remedy by my marathon in October and today I got off to a good start.

One of the cool things about doing a lot of indoor training at a nice gym is the abundance of outstanding cardio machines available for cross training days! Today I decided to try out the "Summit Trainer". 

It was my first time using one and standing next to it I thought "Hey, how bad can it be?" It was about 5 minutes after I started that I realized what a stupid question that was. I had selected the "Hills" program, though the motion of the machine itself is good practice for them. The first change in resistance was a pretty big challenge and 40 minutes later I realized we were going to have a very sweaty, productive, love-hate relationship. 

I'm excited and really hoping adding this to the mix will help me over the hump of hill training! (get it…little pun there) 

Onward and upward I go! (there I go again…hahaha) 

and Happy Training to you! 

Companionship and competition

Today and the gym, I got raced. 

I was about a mile into my run, chugging along at 6.3 when it started. 

I had seen her scoping the place out. Tall, blonde and decidedly athletic looking. She had that "runner" look that women everywhere wish for. At my gym there are 2 rows of cardio equipment, treadmills in the back and about everything else you could think of in the front row. I saw her walk past a few of the machines, apparently with none of them sparking her interest. Then I noticed her move toward the back row and assumed she would choose one of the 20 other machines available, but I was wrong.

She stepped on the treadmill right next to me, smiled, a very "are you ready?" sort of smile, cranked the speed to 7 and took off. 

Now as you know I am all about women empowering one another. We need to build each other up, not tear each other down!

That being said, it was so on. 

I was running at 6.3 and knew if I pushed it much faster I would peter out sooner rather than later so I decided to bide my time. It took about 5 minutes and she dropped back down to a 6.2, we were matching each other step for step. As she loped along next to me I found myself wondering why she was there? Why take the treadmill next to me. I was stinky, sweaty, and there were over 20 other machines available. 

I think the answer is because when we feel tired, and weak sometimes we just need that salty sweet mixture of companionship and competition. In those minutes, though we didn't know one another, neither of us was alone in the run. It brought back some of the fun to what could be monotonous miles never moving forward, just moving. 

She slowed down and eventually hit stop but I kept trucking. As she wiped down the machine she smiled and gave me a "well done" nod. I gave a fatigued but genuine smile back. I had won the battle, and just for today I wasn't running alone. 

Breaking the Dam

I am happy to report that I did indeed put my big girl pants on and break the ice at the new gym! I'm not sure why it seemed so hard. I guess it could be the combination of stress from the fire, moving and feeling guilty about taking the time for myself. It's always hard going to a new place but I'm so glad I did. As you know I am not fond of treadmills but it looks like that is where I will be doing the lions share of my marathon training aside from weekend long-runs, which will be outdoors. I'm surprised to say that the past two days I've enjoyed my time on the treadmill *formerly referred to as the dread-mill. I think it is going to help me with speed due to the ability to set the machine at a certain pace, then being forced to keep up with it….or turn it down. (TURN DOWN FOR WHAT!? Yup….that's been blowing up my iPod) 

I've had some really strange things going on with my emotions lately. I am not a person who cries easily. I have to be very angry, very tired, or very sad for tears to flow. That being said I surprised myself by keeping dry eyes with everything I've had going on lately. I didn't cry after the fire. I didn't cry when I said goodbye to my friends and packed up to move (though I did come close) I didn't cry when T left for annual training, or when they told me I couldn't get a lawn mower delivered for over 2 weeks, or when our paycheck fails to arrive day after day. I've started to get this feeling that I really need to have a good cry. Like an emotional zit that needs popping. (gross, but effective analogy) The thing is, no matter how hard I've tried, I can't get myself to do it. 

I've watched sad videos, inspirational videos and everything in-between. I've read tragic stories and inspiring ones to no avail. Then finally, today, it happened. 

I was running on the treadmill (go figure) and I was starting to get fatigued. When I get tired I usually give myself a pep talk and keep going but today I found myself more motivated by picturing myself crossing a finish line. I thought about the upcoming Firecracker 5k in my hometown, which I always look forward to, but I quickly realized I needed to pull out the big guns. I let myself imagine crossing the finish line at my marathon. I pictured all my friends and family's smiling faces just waiting for me to bring it home.

Then I thought about hugging my Dad. I know he would hug me, dripping sweat and all, and tell me how proud he was. 

That is when I lost it. I felt the prick of the tears behind my eyes and before I knew it they were running down my cheeks. 

On the treadmill……in the middle of a crowded gym.

I jumped off and made a beeline for the locker room where I sobbed for about 5 minutes in a stall. (probably freaking out more than a few ladies, for that I apologize) I cried because I was happy, I cried because I was sad, I cried because I was tired, and most of all I cried because I'm doing it. I'm taking a dream, making it a goal, and going for it. 

The dam was broken, and I feel so much better for it. Today I learned that sometimes all a girl needs is a good workout and a good cry to make the world seem right again. 

   

A series of unfortunate events

Greetings from the other side of a crazy week and a half. As some of you may know we suffered a house fire in the early morning hours of June 2nd. I am so blessed to say that despite the smoke and fire damage I was able to get my boys and myself out with no injuries. 

Even with amazing insurance the fallout has been tough. On top of dealing with keeping the rebuild moving we packed up what we could and relocated to Minnesota so we could be a family under one roof again, as soon as T finishes his annual training with the National Guard.

I'd like to say that I have stuck to my training schedule and clean eating during the chaos, but I promised to be real with you. I'll spare you the gory details but suffice it to say my workouts have been limited to short in-home yoga sessions and the closest I've been to eating clean is only having 1 slice of pizza instead of 2. It pains me to say I have not logged a single mile in 9 long days. 

I am definitely feeling the effects in a not-so-awesome way. I feel puffy, am not sleeping well, and most notably I've been down in the dumps. For me exercise is about so much more than just training for a marathon or keeping fit. It truly is my time to unwind, gather my thoughts and really breathe. I have such a strong need to feel that basal mind body connection. 

On that note I've decided to put on my big girl panties and start prioritizing workouts again. I've found a great gym here in Rochester that offers childcare, and though I'll be logging my miles on the treadmill, I'll still be logging them! They also have 5 or 6 amazing cardio options for cross training as well as weights, which is outstanding. 

Anyone who knows me is aware that I am not a person who deals with well with change. I am a planner and a doer. This is not to say I don't have my adventurous side, it simply means changes in environment, schedules, you name it throw me off. I need time to adjust and I think I've given myself more than enough. It's always hard being somewhere new, but Mission No Quit 26(.2) isn't going to complete itself. 

So here goes nothing, 

Onward towards my bright new future I go! 

New meaning to NQ

No Quit 26(.2) Day 7 almost didn't happen. My morning began in rush. I was hurrying to get my boys to the sitter so I could get to the post office, make a mad dash to the bank 30 miles away to take care of business there, then zip over to the coffee shop nearby where I purchased my first bit of sustenance for the day; A caramel macchiato (I'm not proud) just so I could get their Wi-Fi code and return emails and phone calls in a timely fashion. (just reading that was exhausting, right?) 

As I was sucking down my coffee, glued to my MacBook screen I noticed it begin to sprinkle outside and I started muttering to myself. At this point I only had 1.5 hours of childcare left and I still needed to get home, get myself together, and run before I had to pick them up. With my husband out of town my only chance to do the workouts laid out in my training plan is when I have help with the boys, so time is a factor. The workout for today was to Run 10 mins at a challenging pace then walk 1 minute and repeat 3X. 

My mind immediately started jumping to excuses "Maybe today can just be your rest day, you have so much to do, is this really that important?" But the answer was an easy one. Yes, it really was that important. Excuses do not a marathoner make. It can be very discouraging and overwhelming thinking about how far I have to go and completing these workouts that don't seem like much at the time; but I know that if I am consistent and put in the effort now I will be able to cross that finish line with pride when the time comes. Knowing I put in the time and sweat equity to make it happen. Every day I have to remind myself of how much I want this, and why. I packed up and walked out of the coffee shop with a new resolve, smiling as the sprinkles hit my face. 

The run turned out to be some unintentional heat training. The rain stopped and the humidity picked up quite a bit. It wasn't pretty (literally, think beet face and buckets of sweat) but I got it done. 

Today I didn't have the time I chose to make the time to do the work. No Quit was put to the test, and I'm proud to say, passed!

Epic Finish!

I'm writing from the end of my first week of marathon training! (prepare for lots of exclamation points because I'm so excited!!!!!….see, told you.)

As you know I've been using the 26.2 Premium plan from Run the Edge and I am LOVING it! It's so fun and flexible! I had wanted to earn the "Legendary" finish so badly but I just didn't make the time to get that last run today that would have given me the extra push, so I had to settle for 17 points. They added up to "epic".  Not what I had wanted, but still not bad for such a hectic week, if I do say so.

This week of training did so much for me! It cut down on my mileage, but I feel like doing so added quality to my runs in the areas of form and speed. The most notable change was getting me back into the weight room. I've decided to use my cross training days to do about 30 minutes on a low impact cardio machine and use the remainder of my time to get back into weight training. I honestly feel that so many runners under-utilize weights. They are such a great tool that can help build explosive power and endurance, and I am so excited to work them back into my routine. It's hard for me because with the warmer weather the temptation to be outdoors is so strong, but I figure I can still get my fix by taking my tikes on walks or little jogs, hiking, and hopefully getting some beach time in for the whole family! (We are moving to the "Land of 10,000 Lakes, there's got to be a few beaches around, right?)

I'm taking some time today to really lay out a plan and focus on what I want to accomplish in the area of training and eating right as the week goes on. It's going to bring some big challenges as we are loading up the truck and moving to Minnesota next weekend. This means purposely running the groceries down, lots of packing, and disrupted schedules on top of hours on the road but I'm confident if I stay focused and committed I can still earn my "legendary" finish next week!

Though I'm exhausted, the last 6 days have been a huge blessing. They left me with a renewed commitment to my goals and a wonderful sense of wellbeing from a job well done. I'm wishing you all the best in the week ahead! Here is to staying on track together, and as always

HAPPY TRAINING!